Heathers Ascending - Part 4

*Occasionally, I find illustrations or photos that catch my eye enough to write a story around them. I saw these on Tumblr. I don’t know the artist, but these images appeared in a 1930s McCall’s Fashion book. They inspired me to chart three ladies’ very bizarre day

Archduchess Fanty was terribly upset not to have brought the yellow suit to hike across the plateau but thought herself quite clever to repurpose the white gloves from earlier in the day with the green suit.

"Ha, how do you like that, I’m a  proper hippie, what with my recycling and what not." she thought to herself.

The trek proved slightly more rugged than she anticipated, thank goodness she had memorized all the lyrics to the latest Metallica song so she was able to play them in her head on loop.

"Oh, there you are! Look how smart you look." Archduchess Fanty exclaimed.

"Why thank you." Lady Jane said tossing her shoulders for full caplet effect. "I just knew the double ruffle would come in handy today - I have had a young eagle, a peregrine falcon with gas and a Snagglewart land on me so far."

"A Snagglewart?" Archduchess Fanty inquired.

"Yes. I can't actually remember what they are called but it looked very Snagglewarty." Lady Jane said.

"I imagine it did. I was just telling Nunny that I thought we should break for cocktails soon, it's been at least 3 hours since our last round. Oh dear, Nunny isn't there." Archduchess Fanty said, putting her shoes on the correct feet.

"Oh, thank gawd - I thought I was the only one who couldn't see her. I thought, here we go again, the doctor will want me to stop wearing nylons. But she is actually missing, so that's good." Lady Jane said.

"Oh, I suppose it is." Archduchess Fanty said.

"No, not good good, just good. I've always liked Nunny." Lady Jane clarified.

"Oh phew, because I’ve always liked Nunny too. I tell her that all the time." Archduchess Fanty said.

"Yes, you are very good about that. Sad, I miss her now - do you think she will come back?" Lady Jane looked longingly at a tissue she had last used when she was in the taxi with The Superior Nunny.

"Well, it is why we had her tagged." Archduchess Fanty reminded Lady Jane.

"That was very efficient of you, Fanty." Lady Jane said, drinking from an imaginary flask.

"I know. Say, Jane, who is the man next to me?" Archduchess Fanty asked.

Lady Jane looked beside Archduchess Fanty and shrugged. Archduchess Fanty pointed to her right and Lady Jane let out a small gasp.

"Why Fanty, look at how clever you are, you thought to pack a cowboy!"

"Oh, did I bring him? I could have sworn you did." Archduchess Fanty responded.

"Now that you mention it, I think he has been following me since I fell out of the cab. I thought if I led him here, he would recognize it as his natural habitat and run free." Lady Jane leaned over and waved at the Cowboy who enthusiastically waved back.

"Do you have Schnapps?" Archduchess Fanty asked the Cowboy.

"It's not the same one, I already asked." Lady Jane said.

"What does he do?" Archduchess Fanty asked while sizing him up.

"He seems to point at things well. Watch - oh Cowboy, could you show us where the sky is?" Lady Jane said wiggling her fingers because she was sure that helped him understand her.

"Well, look at that. I have been looking the wrong way for months. Thank you, Cowboy." Archduchess Fanty said with a satisfied nod.

Lady Jane and Archduchess Fanty both sighed and looked at the horizon Cowboy had just pointed out to them. It was truly beautiful. Unbeknownst to them, they were both silently and simultaneously thinking about what exactly wasthe secret ingredient in the "special sauce" at that burger joint they had visited last week. 

"I like Cowboy, let's keep him." Archduchess Fanty said.

"Cowboy, we have decided to bring you home with us, would you like that, Cowboy? Oh, I think we can take that for a yes, don't you, Fanty?" Lady Jane gave a little clap, accidentally dropping her imaginary flask.

"Absolutely. My, he is a chatty thing, isn't he? What are you pointing at? What is that you see?" Archduchess Fanty said trying to follow Cowboy's finger but got distracted by his kerchief.

"Oh look, he wants us to see that horned deer trying to pack suitcase. Ha! What a hoot - never leave us, Cowboy, you're a blast." Lady Jane chuckled.

"I can't make anything out." Archduchess Fanty said in a panic, she did love a good chuckle.

"Turn the binoculars the other way." Lady Jane said, quietly applauding herself for being such a help.

Archduchess Fanty lay the binoculars flat against her face, "I can't see a damn thing - some broad is in the way."

"Wait, is the broad using a rosary to lasso a ground squirrel?" Lady Jane asked excitedly.

"Why yes, I believe that is a... oh! Nunny. And thank goodness for that, we have just enough time to get to that blasted party tonight. Give Cowboy a treat and I will go get the car." 

Archduchess Fanty tossing the binoculars into a bush and affecting a limp with her right leg; she always thought people took her more seriously when she limped.